Dj kalonje Reviewed – the youngest dj in kenya November 28, 2008
Posted by Mutongoria in IT, humour, self.Tags: dj kalonje, mc, mixing, music, selection, transitions, videos
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Confession – I have never met this guy, actually never seen him play but since I have been made to listen to him – I may just as well make a post about it.
I have been following the work of this dj for some time now and think it appropriate since I lend him my ear at least thrice every week. I hear him in matatus as i head home in the evenings or as I come to work in the morning – apparently the drivers and conductors of public transport where I come from consider him a guru in arts of public entertainment.
I beg to differ – over the last year – I think I have seen DJ kalonje transform from a kid who has nothing to his name but borrowed vcds to a fairly … acceptable .. mixmaster.
Mixing skills [7 out of 10]
there has been great improvement in the quality of his mixes. At least the beats dont clash anymore! I still hold one of his mixes in my archives on examples of how-not-to-mix! But this morning I heard his mix of Jah Watchman’s club anthem and R Kelly’s Burn it up - I had to admit that his fingers are not quite as shaky! You can always tell a real dj by his ability to cue a single, remixing it on the fly and something little I call re-beating where the dj remixes the whole sample by juggling a single beat. DJ Lastborn is perfect at this. Dj kalonje is learning nicely.
Music selection [6 out of 10]
Not much to write home about his selection of music. Not much to complain either. It is just there!
MC [5 out of 10]
Saying that you are the “youngest dj in East Africa” doesn’t sound very attractive for anyone who has been more than a year out of high school! I doubt it sounds good even to those who are currently in primary school. I love dj Adrian’s ‘your favourite dj’s favourite dj!’ that is one smasher of a line! I hope dj kalonje reads this so if you have any suggestions please post them here.
Video [5 out of 10]
The five point are only for they syncing that has been attempted [with some success] in recent releases. Other wise, like all Kenyan video mixers [except blackstar entertainment @ citizen tv] the video is wack to say the least and the mixing has have been done with scissors or a hacksaw. Video editors know what I mean.
Part of it is not his fault – videos available in the Kenyan market are Wack! But is that an excuse to …. can’t you try some creativity. Words that don’t keep popping! remove the adverts and please please please do not make a video transition last more than five seconds. Your transitions are torture!!!
Anyhow, Dj kalonje – I believe you can.
If you grow by another 150% in the next six months I promise to like you!
Obamaday – national celebrations in kenya November 5, 2008
Posted by Mutongoria in humour, news, politics, travel.Tags: bull, celebration, kenya, kogelo, national celebrations, national holiday, obama, obamaday, pressident kibaki
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Mwai Kibaki of Kenya
The governement of kenya has declared a national holiday to celebrate the victory of Democrat presidential candidate Barack Obama as the 44th President of the United States of America.
This capped a night of celebration as curious kenyans followed election results overnight as local TV station suspended regular programming schedules to relay the vote tallying process live. There is a palpable air of excitement all over the republice as kenyans look forward to the elections and the future of a man they consider one of their own. There were reports that a bull had been set apart for slaughter and celebration in the eventuality of an Obama win.
Obama's Relatives in Kenya entertain guests outside their home in Kogelo, Siaya
Dozens of local and international journalists have descended on Kogelo,Siaya where the father of the US president-elect Barack Obama was born and raised. In the nearby city of Kisumu, a group of youths held a mock parallel election, with six ballot boxes in different locations around the city. In the Kenyan capital, Nairobi, people chanted “Obama! Obama!” as the results were announced on television.
“He’s in!” said R N, 23, a business student who joined hundreds of others at the residence of the U.S. ambassador for an election party that began at 5 a.m. “I think this is awesome, and the whole world is backing him.”
I am calling tomorrow Obamaday – A day to …. havent figured that out yet.
it could be a day to
- Celebrate Obama’s victory
- Cheer those who are celebrating Obama’s victory
- Sleep
- movies, pizza and blogging
- Visiting friends
- Driving lesson 3 – number 2 is today
- planning my political options
- applying for an American visa
- reviewing Obama-tunities [Opportunities that will come out as a result of the Obama presidency]
- blacked out – after the office cocktails tonight
for all kenyans : the night out levels November 4, 2008
Posted by Mutongoria in entertainment, humour, news.Tags: alcohol, friends, night, out
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This is from facebook, a friend of mine wrote it. its the funniest thing I’ve read in ages
PEOPLE::: FOR YA’LL WHO GET DERAILED
LEVEL 1:
It’s 11:00 on a weeknight, you’ve had a few beers.You get up to leave because you have work the next day and one of your friends buys another round. Usually one of your UNEMPLOYED friends. Here at level one you think to yourself, “Oh come on, this is silly, why as long as I get seven hours of sleep (snap fingers), I’m cool.”
LEVEL 2:
It’s midnight. You’ve had a few more beers. You’ve just spent 20 minutes arguing AGAINST test tube babies. You get up to leave again, but at level two, a little devil appears on your shoulder. And now you’re thinking, “Hey! I’m out with my friends! What am I working for anyway? These are the good times! Besides, as long as I get five hours sleep (snaps fingers) I’m cool.”
LEVEL 3:
1:00 AM in the morning.
You’ve abandoned beer for tequila.
You’ve just spent 20 minutes arguing FOR test tube babies. And now you’re thinking, “Our waitress is the most beautiful woman I’ve ever seen!” At level three, you love the world. On the way to the bathroom you buy a drink for the stranger at the end of the bar just because you like his(her) face. You get drinking fantasies. (like,”Hey guys, if we bought our own bar, we could live together forever. We could do it. Tom, you could cook.”) But at level three, that devil is a little bit bigger….and he’s buying. And you’re thinking, “Oh, come on, come on now. As long as I get three hours sleep…and a complete change of blood (snaps fingers), I’m cool.”
LEVEL 4:
2:00 AM in the morning. And the devil is bartending. For last call(round), you order a 750 bottle of VODKA and some Coke. You ARE THE MAN! This time on your way to the bathroom, you punch(slap) the stranger at the end of the bar, just because you don’t like his face! And now you’re thinking, “Our secretary(driver) is the best looking lady(dude) I’ve ever seen.” You and your friends decide to leave, right after you get thrown out, and one of you knows an after hours bar.(Why in hells fury does one get to know these joints?) And here, at level four, you actually think to yourself, “Well….as long as I’m only going to get a few hours sleep anyway, I may as well….STAY UP ALL NIGHT!!!! Yeah! That’d be good for me. I don’t mind going to that board meeting looking like I have a vein for an eye!. Yeah, I’ll turn that around, make it work for me. And besides, as long as I get 31 hours sleep tomorrow ……………….cool.”
LEVEL 5:
5:00 AM in the morning
You and your friends wind up in a shady local bar with guys who have been from upcountry as recently as that morning and look like like the Talibani n they wouldn’t mind adopting your head!. It’s the kind of place where even the devil is going, “Uh, I gotta head home . I gotta be in Hell-at nine. I’ve got that breakfast with Hitler, I can’t miss that.” At this point, you’re all drinking some kind of thick black liquor-probably some brand Uv NEVER seen before-a special for this local, definately looks and tastes like something from a Voodoo convention. A waitress with a fresh black eye comes over, and you think to yourself, “Someday I’m gonna marry that girl!!” One of your friends stands up and screams, “WE’RE DRIVIN’ TO S.A.!!!!”- and passes out.
You crawl outside for air , and then you hit the worst part of level five-THE SUN. You weren’t expecting that were you? You never do. You walk out of a bar in daylight, and you see people on their way to work. And they look at you and they know.
Let’s be honest, if you’re 19-26 and you stay up all night, it’s like a victory-like you’ve beaten the night, but if you’re over 30, then that sun is like God’s flashlight.
We all say the same prayer then, “I swear, I will NEVER do this again (how long?) as long as I live!” And some of us have the guts to include that little line, “and this time, I mean it
This is where I want to be in afew years October 13, 2008
Posted by Mutongoria in humour, kids.Tags: employment, kids, writing
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My kids are a pain in the ass. Just in the past hour, i have had to tell each one to do something more than once. oldest: can i have soda? it’s just a sprite? please? can i? no, no and no.
the next one…don’t even get me started. seriously.
the twin six year olds: one wanted dessert before her dinner was over, one kept wanting to know why I wouldn’t let nine year olds swing her around by her limbs. (the fear of a dislocated shoulder did nothing.)
Please help me.
I can be a tad difficult to work for. I’m loud, pushy and while I used to think we paid well, i am no longer sure. i work from home, so you get the pleasure of being hounded by me all day long. and, you get to pretend to like me, because i am deeply sensative. (but well dressed and a know it all, a winning combination I assure you.)
If you cannot multi task, or communicate without being passive aggressive, don’t even bother replying.
If you are the type who doesn’t notice crumbs on the table, skip to the next post, because crumbs are a deal breaker. they put me over the edge.
i have all sorts of theories on how to stack my dishwasher, and if you are judgemental about ritalin for adhd, or think such things are caused by too much sugar, again, deal break city.
You do get a separate entrance excellent studio on the ues. you do get air conditioner and internet connection and cable. even hbo. and showtime. you can bring your spouse, roommate or partner, but sorry no kids. If you ask, can i bring my kid, the answer will be…anyone? anyone? No.
If you can cook, all the better. otherwise, i’ll teach you all sorts of things about pasta. (Here’s a freebie, butter and parmesean, mmmmmm)
If you know anything about chess and violin i will be impressed.
We are not snobs, which is good. but then again, my kid sometimes swears to make a point. (We’re working on it, but halfheartedly, because, well the apple doesn’t fall far from the fucking tree.)Although I am told they are all very bright, they have not mastered the use of the oh so complicated napkin. This is a napkin Junior, say it after me…Nap Kin. Good boy.
i am not looking for Super nanny, or anyone who wants this job because they will love my kids as if they are their own. you won’t. really. they are infinitely lovable, but trust me, they’re mine and you will move on when your journey with us is over, and save for some funny stories and a delightful email every now and again, you won’t grieve. Nor will we. (okay, we did all grieve a few of our past sitters, oddly they were all named Sarah or Kate, or Nikki. And Leah. Leah was delightful, even if she did drop my twin babies off our couch during a family gathering. Good times.
I don’t want someone who has a lot of theories on the right way to raise kids, because in the end, I’m just a woman doing my best. I’m willing to learn from you, or anyone, but not so much about how i should parent my spawn. teach me to knit. introduce me to yoga, the white stripes, russian literature or the best place to get a burger in the village at 2Am, but do not tell me to put star stickers on a good boy chart. stickers irritate me.
If you are fundamentally unhappy with your life, you will be more unhappy if you take this job, so do us all a favor and get some treatment or move to the Rockies, but do not apply for employment with us. Also, if you suspect all wealthy women are frivilous, we are not for you. I do not want to hide my occasional bergdorf shopping bag.
If you smoke, please quit. don’t apply either, but please quit. i have known too many people diagnosed with cancer this year. Even if you are a judgemental nanny 911 wannabe, no one should have to endure some of the things I have wittnessed.
You gotta be able to drive with a valid license, but if you’ve ever hit a human,move to the next post. You won’t have to drive in the city, but if we go to our weekend place together, or if you make it to the summer and still work for us, we need you to run into town to get some pink milk, so be able to drive a mini van.
Can you swim? Swimming is good.
If you do drugs or drink enough so that you are grumpy in the morning and grumpier at night prior to that next cocktail, call AA, and peruse craigslist childcare positions when you have a year sober. I’ll probably be looking again, and now is the time for you to focus on yourself anyway.
I need a team player. I need someone to back me up when it comes to remembering when the library books are due, and whether i have rsvped to that birthday party yet.
Help me dear G-d keep track of our skim milk supply and also, also, also, what should I make for dinner tomorrow night?
the hours are 7 in the morning to 8:30 in the morning. We’d be in it together, getting the kids out with clean faces, brushed teeth and some food in their bellies. Doesn’t that sound easy? Doesn’t that sound doable?
Then come on back for a fun filled afternoon 2:15-8:15 of activities and playdates and snacks and dinners and homework and riveting conversations about global warming, hannah montana and guitar hero.
When you do get to go home (to that swanky studio and possibly a significant other or buddy) your time off will be respected. If I would like you to give extra hours, i’ll ask. if you say yes, you get paid 15/ hour. if you say no, I will not fire you or hate you. Except if it is a school holiday or if i have a sick kid, then i might ask, and unless you have a final exam worth 2/3 of your grade or tix The Lion King, you may need to help out.
Okay, if you’re still reading this ad, it means:
a) i am a halfway decent writer and maybe i really will get that book deal i’m yearning for
b) you need a job desparately
c) you think this just might be destiny, and that you could be one of the few, the proud, the potential babysitter of our dreams.
D) you want all the information about job requirements, so that you can write me emails about how I should stay home with my kids otherwise they are going to grow up to be sociopaths. (If my pen pal is out there, wassup? Found love yet? No? How ’bout that.)
best of luck to all of you in your search for a job. Seriously. Job searching sucks. No two ways about it.
Source: Craig’s list
